One of the greatest breakthroughs I’ve had in my life came when I realised that I had personal preferences, and… wait for it… I liked them. Not your most shocking discovery in the grand scheme of things but for me it was enough to rock my world.

At some point I became convinced that I didn’t have a choice or say in matters. From choosing my preferred activities (parents, don’t force your daughters to take dance classes if they’d much prefer to do karate), to who I was allowed to be friends with, what subjects I’d like to study for GCSE, and beyond with what may seem inconsequential like choosing clothes to buy. 

Have you ever seen that image of a donkey tied to a chair? Hold up, let me find it for you…

Here:

This very image is the visual representation of what I wasn’t aware of myself. I’ve lived a long life feeling like I couldn’t really go my own way. The ever looming threat of disastrous consequences if I dared to try. But in reality, I was this donkey tied to a chair.

Exploring Tastes in Simple Worldly Pleasures and Developing Personal Principles

This idea came to me when I was about two years into my Stori Dori business. I’d spent so much of my life already in the service of others that I didn’t really know much about myself, what I really liked, or how to have fun, simply going my own way and following my own curiosity. 

Quite frankly, this vexed me. I got pretty angry about it because I felt like I was robbed of opportunities, the ones that can distract you by ‘what if’ thinking. But when I calmed down (took a while) it dawned on me that the anger was really toward myself for choosing not to participate in finding out. I was the one who consented to remain this way when there were many forks in the road at various junctions in my life to flow in another direction, but fear got the better of me.

So I started to explore this further and I began with journaling and making lists of favourites. It wasn’t an all-at-once thing and I was already high from making journals that I started a collection of papers, pens, ephemera, and stickers.

Spending time to analyse what I was looking to get out of it helped to clarify a lot. Principles would begin to emerge as I asked more questions such as:

What do I really like about this? How does this make me feel? How can I use this? What’s the experience I’m going for? Would I be willing to share this with someone else?

I dabbled in trying things I’d never tried before, including going to places I thought were too good for me. Even giving myself permission to play and have fun was deeply impactful. These small acts in discovery helped me to release desires I’d unintentionally learned to hold hostage and the gratitude that flowed from honouring them helped me to unfurl from a contorted place I found myself.

Discovering Who You Are

Perhaps the most surprising aspect I found on this adventure was making the connections within myself of who I truly was. Not the idea of me projected in my mind from the perception I held of someone else’s point of view. To some it seemed like I was hellbent on rebelling and stubbornly trying to be contrary. I didn’t have the language to articulate this to them so I didn’t and I carried on my merry little way.

The sadness is something that also surprised me. I went through a mourning period when I found that I held myself back because I was held back so early on. There is this handover that happens without realising and we become the captors of ourselves without realising.

Giving time to process these complex narratives and being patient felt difficult to hold together but eventually the sadness would subside to give room for joy to emerge and breathe.

The audacity of joy entering my life and lighting me up was a jolt to the system to say the least. But joy did more than that… it illuminated the space within me with optimism. With choosing to see beyond the darkness and dreariness that’s so familiar and an easy out when I’m uncertain on things I’m struggling to decide.

Joy held me in a safe containment, cheered me on and encouraged me to go one step further than I thought I could. It was the breeze that could turn me with gratitude to Allah SWT. And really gratitude to Allah is the gift in all of this.

Making Things Better

Observations helped me to see and feel better. Knowing who I was, what I stand for, what impact I want to have in my life and the life of others are all the inevitable realisations that come from giving myself a chance to explore what it means to me, first. 

Something as simple as learning about what you like, leaning into unknowns with a heartful presence helps you to understand how you can choose better for yourself and your contributions moving forward.

You’re able to set things right, what seemed impossible before can become whisperings of invitations to simply try. Small inconsequential steps build on each other to establish a foundation through consent and respect. You become the better version of yourself with this newly established esteem and it reveals wonders.

Your Charter of Values

The outcome from exploring your signature in taste, expressions, personal beliefs, and conduct in this life invites you to establish your own charter of values. How you choose to be as you uphold the integrity as a believer all the while and it’s this very precise meaning we give to how we go about this that is unique to every individual’s character and sensibilities.

We don’t need to cut off undesirable parts of ourselves to achieve our best potential, this isn’t actually necessary at all. If we could just reach for and do better (with what you now know) despite having made past mistakes, despite the temptation to revert back to an older version of ourselves, I think we’d soon see that all of us, all the parts of us, can coexist in harmony with one another.

Describing your own charter of values is a way to see what light you hold yourself in. To give yourself permission to pursue better in better ways, and ultimately earn the pleasure of Allah SWT.

When You Know Better

Signature me is about finding the way you like and want to express yourself, to yourself. It’s how you choose to be your own person and show up for yourself without expecting others to do this for you. To seek agency so you may hold  yourself accountable to better standards as you’re developing them, rather than search for permission from others. To prosper in your way despite what is expected of you because you know who you are and what matters to you without showing off to others about it.

It’s knowing you’re always becoming and you not only get to have a say about that, you get to co-create a beautiful life story worth living.